Syndication
Munchies After Kicking Kids - An RSVP Allegory
October 11th, 2004 by OZ It's not often that I feel like a character out of a movie. There was that one week I thought I was Sonny Corleone from The Godfather and refused to drive anywhere that required I pass a toll booth, but that's ancient history now (despite what my probation officer says). Recently, however, my Hollywood-dementia has returned, and I'm starting to feel like Billy Crystal in City Slickers.
I'm Billy, atop the monstrously unpredictable equestrian mount, and I'm trying to herd all of these wild cows into a pen. The horse doesn't pay attention, and the cows refuse to FILL OUT A CARD AND PUT IT IN THE MAIL!
I had to send an email to people a few weeks ago reprimanding them for not sending in their RSVPs for my wedding. I then received some RSVPs, whether by mail or phone or email, but a few stragglers are still left out there. So I've started email people directly (rather than en masse, as I did before). One particular email started out normal enough and soon evolved into my usual non-sensical ramblings. This, of course, means that I have to post it here (without the straggler's name, to protect his slacker anonymity).
Without further ado, here's some insanity that's sure to waste your time. 
1. As Player 1, you are attending an in-game ceremony where two NPCs agree to a merger of their super powers. At the end of the ceremony, a dozen children are kicked around to all the guests like soccer balls, though much heavier, of course. Do you relish the fun of children-kicking alone, or do you bring a guest to share in the excitement of this up-and-coming sport?
2. After a tiresome, but entertaining, round of children-kicking, your character is tired and low on energy. You arrive at a feast and a bruised child waiter offers you one of four dishes: beef (Strength +1), chicken (Dexterity +1), fish (Mana +1), or vegetarian (Hippy-ness +1). Which one do you choose?
3. After making your selection, the child turns to the person next to you, as do you, with the same choices. If you recognize this person as the guest you brought to share in the excitement of children-kicking, what would be their choice for the feast? If you have no idea who this person is, you are free to fire your eye beams at his kicking foot, denying him the ability of further kicking any children for the remainder of the evening. If you feel like rubbing it in, however, you may then kick the child-waiter with all of your might.
Please answer these questions promptly, as development has begun. In fact, a live-action role-play of this concept (with the absence of children-kicking, because of current legal issues we are working to circumnavigate) will take place in Pittsburgh, PA on October 23rd. You are, of course, strongly encouraged to attend. As your attorney, I recommend you do so, but first answer the above questions.
This guy sounds like a jerk. If he doesn't kick children, he'd better have a good reason.
Oct 11, 2004 at 5:56pm