Marital Mayhem: A Secret Agent Is Me

I just bought Splinter Cell 3: Chaos Theory videogame yesterday. It's pretty awesome! So awesome, in fact, that I've started acting like super-secret agent Sam Fisher. Seeing as how the only other human being in my apartment is my wife, she has been... shall we say... a less than cooperative playmate. The following chronicles last night's encounter.

I thought I was in a secure location when I heard someone picking the lock on the door.
"Hi, I'm home. What a long day at work. Oh, did you get your game?"
She spotted me. I grab the flashbang grenade, cleverly disguised as an empty soda can. I throw it at her feet and cover my eyes.
"Hey, why are you making a mess?"
I run into the bedroom closet, rolling into the shadows.
"You want to tell me what you're doing?"
The enemy is trying to trick me. I know that the flashbang has temporarily blinded her. I stay as still as I can, but it's difficult because I might have screwed up my back on that last maneuver.
"You're a fool."
She's taunting me, but it has no effect. I continue to be still, convinced the enemy still hasn't recovered from the flashbang.
"It was a long day, so I'm just going to let you keep being weird."
She sits down on the couch and starts channel surfing. I silently crouch-walk over to the medical station. The enemy can't see me from there.
"While you're in the bathroom, can you get my contact lense case?"
Damnit! She must have surveillance cameras mounted all over the place.
"Oh, and my glasses?"
I abandon my objective and stealthily approach the enemy's couch. Suddenly, I feel as if I've been shot in the back. I put my hand on the wound as I tumble to my side. I was trained well, but I still knock over a picture frame.
"What are you doing!?"
There is no blood. That's weird.
"Did you mess up your back again, you weirdo? You want some aspirin?"
Maybe the enemy is a double-agent and she's joining our side. I extend my hand in friendship. The enemy-turned-ally accepts it and helps me up.
"Why can't I have a normal husband?"
She's a triple-agent! Enemy-turned-ally-turned enemy. I'm injured and in plain sight. It's over. I put my hands up and surrender.
"You're buying me dinner for this."
She may have won the battle, but I shall win the war.

I'll get the drop on her next time.

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Today is "Take a Nap" Day, because you probably need it.