For Once, It Wasn't Tara Reid

Talk about the unexpected. I was checking out the minor headlines on CNN.com today (most of the page was taken up with pictures of a chimney billowing white smoke) and saw this one:

Arrest Warrant for 'Pie' Actress

"Pie," of course, refers to "American Pie," that stupid teen movie about kids defiling warm apple pies and cups of beer. Having said that, what one name immediately jumps to your mind with the above headline? If you said Daniel Spink, then you might have some weird obsession with monkeys. Get help.

The name that exploded into my mind in 100 foot-tall letters glowing like the surface of the sun is Tara Reid. Seriously, who else could it be? That girl parties so hard that she didn't realize half her dress had come off in front of reporters. It therefore stands to reason that she wouldn't realize ... well, anything, including a court summons.

But I give Miss Reid too little credit. Her co-star, Natasha Lyonne (who?) is the one in trouble with the poh-poh. Natasha apparently burst in to her neighbor's apartment, ripped a mirror from the wall, and then said she would molest the neighbor's dog.

At this point, I seriously thought this was one big mix up. This has Tara Reid written all over it! But CNN is sticking to their guns.

Maybe Natasha is trying to gain Tara's notoriety. Or maybe she really has a thing for hot dog dogs. Either way, no one really cares unless Natasha gets the whole slutty-strung-out-drunk thing that's worked so well for Tara.

Keep both of those girls away from me!
I bet they both have fleas and ticks.

Today is "Holy White Smoke, Batman" Day! You're right on so many levels, Robin.