It's Important To Be Consistent Blvd.

One of the "features" of living up North -- that is, outside of Miami or any other modern city -- is that streets change names seemingly on-the-fly. One second you'll be on Maple Street, then you cross the road and suddenly it's Shampoo Biscuit Lane. Sometimes the name change is because crossing the road took you into a new county or city or borough or village or township or shamalama ding dong. Most of the time, though, it's on a the fickle whim of Old Man Winter -- I blame him for all of the North's ills.

What if this methodology were applied to other areas of life? For example, imagine a play where characters or props change names mid-scene. How coherent would that be? I'm glad you asked.

SUPERMARKET DELI - AFTERNOON - INT.

JOHN: Hey, Billy, have you tasted this new honey turkey?
BILL: Not yet, Jimmy. Is it as good as that new purple-tinted cheddar?
JOHN: Whoa, whoa, not that good. But pretty good.
BILL: You know, Teddy, that cheddar has a slight hint of strawberry.
JOHN: You're right, Adelbertus, the turkey sure doesn't have that.
BILL: But it does have honey. That's better than orange.
JOHN: Whoa, whoa, Franky. You mean orange the color or orange the fruit?
BILL: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
JOHN: Bananas!
BILL & JOHN: B. A. N. A. N. A. S!

So for the sake of stage-based art, let's keep those street names consistent.

This is what happens when you rub birds on the carpet.

Today is "Crazy P-Cho" Day! That's crazy!