¡Otra Vez, Mi Socio!

Hispanic Heritage Month starts today! ¡CACHIMBA!

In its honor, I'm going to repost my HHM entry from last year since it's one of this humble blog's little jewels. The repost below has gone through some minor edits (like stripping the <acronym> tags), but feel free to read the original here: ¡Al Fin, Mi Hermano!. Without further ado...

¡Al Fin, Mi Hermano! (otra vez)

For those not-in-the-know, we are currently in Hispanic Heritage Month. That's right, we Hispanics have a heritage month of our own. It's not as well-known or celebrated as Black History Month (February) or Turkey Heritage Month (November), but we've got one!

So is September Hispanic Heritage Month? you ask. Yes and no!

Hispanic Heritage Month is from September 15th through October 15th.

Wait, did I read that right? you ask (again). Yes! Our heritage month starts halfway into one month, and ends halfway into another. It's still technically a month, although no one month is dedicated to it... which is probably why Black History and Turkey Heritage trump us in the annual Heritage Month Awards year after year. It's a conspiracy!

...No, not really. You see, Hispanics are notorious for being late. At least, they are in Miami. No sane person would ever invite a Miami native to an event and tell them the correct time. That's just stupid! Event times have to account for Cuban Time -- the requisite buffer before the advertised time and the actual time.

You laugh, but it's put into practice and it works. Growing up, if my birthday party started at 5:00pm, my mom would put 4:30pm, or even 4:00pm, on the invitations. That way, everyone arrives at approximately 5:00pm. The one exception was my one friend with the blonde hair (El Gringito, we'd say) who showed up an hour early once and we had to entertain him and his parents while simultaneously getting ready for the party. Needless to say, El Gringito received custom invitations with the actual start time until he'd had enough of being called El Gringito and moved to Pennsylvania, Ohio, or some other rhythmless state.

Speaking of gringitos, Paddy O'Wife learned this phenomenon first hand. She'd come visit me in Miami, and we'd be told to be somewhere at 6:00pm, for example. 5:45pm rolls around and she's getting stressed out that I'm still walking around in torn shorts and a t-shirt with traces of breakfast still on it. "Relax, DB," I'd say. "That's six o'clock Cuban Time." Sure enough, we'd roll in at about 6:40pm, right when everyone else was getting there. That'll teach you to doubt me, gringita.

I guess Cuban Time is one reason why we, Hispanics, seem to be very relaxed. Not much gets us stressed out -- unless you're talking about that living cockroach Castro!! Beyond the Beard, however, I think we're pretty relaxed, and Cuban Time is partly responsible. I'd go so far as to say Cuban Time helps us live longer. Of course, this causes stress in the prompt gringos and gringas, as in the example above. Relax, white devils...

I have a theory that movie theaters started showing commercials before the previews to give Hispanics a bit more of a buffer to get to the theater on time. This way we get to catch the last one or two previews. Come to think of it, these movie theaters should utilize Cuban Time during Hispanic Heritage Month. There'd be a couple of upset gringos here and there, but by October 13th or so, they'd come around to our way. ¡AZUCAR!

Anyway, back to Hispanic Heritage Month...

I have another theory that the Powers That Be (The Man, White Devil, Grand Turkies, etc.) offered us September for Hispanic Heritage Month. September 1st through the 30th, simple enough. Well, Powers That Be, you should have accounted for our buffer. C'mon, telling us September 1st is like saying "be at the party at 4:00pm." It just doesn't work. You should have said "Hispanic Heritage Month starts on August 15th." Then we would have started to September 1st and had a clean month to celebrate la patria. Now, we're stuck with September 15th through October 15th.

Well, it doesn't really matter. It's September 21st and I'm posting about something that was slated to start six days ago. You know why? That's right, Cuban Time! Now I'll celebrate until October 21st. Eventually, we'll start on October 1st, and October will be our heritage month, but we'll still advertise September 15th. That way we won't run into November. The turkies deserve that month, afterall, since they're not going to see December.

There you have it. Incidentally, you may have noticed that this wasn't posted six days late like it was last year. What can I tell you? Living in the White Man's World has made me punctual in this instance. Were I still living in Miami, I'd be lucky to have posted this in October and in English.

¡Felicidades!

¡Hoy es "El Primer Día del Mes de la Herencia Hispana!" ¡AZUCAR!