Damn You, Gravity!!

November 18th, 2005 by OZ

I think I might like living in space. Why? Because space affords the following comforts:

Lack of gravity.
(end of list)

Is anyone else tired of gravity? I know I am. What was the last thing gravity ever did for you? Probably nothing. I know it hasn't done much for me lately.

Example: This morning I was making some breakfast, a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich. Sounds yummy, doesn't it? It is, and it's relatively healthy. Whole wheat bread, two whites to one yolk. Mmm, mmm! Anyway, I was getting the eggs out of the refrigerator when a cartoonish apparition manifested itself over my sink. "Holy crap!" I said. "You're a ghost!"

"That I am," it said. "Aren't I scaaaary? Ooooh!"

"Well, you're not that scary, actually. It's 8:30 in the morning," I said.

"Sooo?" he said, obviously trying very hard (and failing) to have a scary voice.

"Well, the sun is shining and there are two birds singing right outside the window." They were cardinals. I love cardinals.

"I can take care of thaaaat," he said and then banged on the window very loudly. It startled me, as it did the birds, and they flew away. Sure enough, they weren't singing anymore. "Did I scaaaare you?" he asked hopefully.

"Not really," I reluctantly replied. "It was actually more startling than scary. And can you not to that again? My o'wife just cleaned the o'windows." He nodded. "Thanks! Now, why are you here?"

"I'm not really suuuure," he said. "I'm just kind of hanging ouuuut."

So we got to talking and it turned out that he likes video games. We played Madden NFL 06 for three hours and then he disappeared into the ether. He might come back sometime in December after I get some new video games for Christmas (hint hint, giftbuyers).

--Oh, I forgot to mention that when the ghost banged on the windows and startled me, I dropped an egg into the sink and it broke and then I had to wash it down. I hate wasting eggs! And if it wasn't for gravity, that egg wouldn't have broken. It would have just floated there until I was done whooping the ghost 52 to 14.

If you know who this is, then you
know this is an appropriate picture.