The A-to-Zs of O-to-the-Izzle

I'm not 100% sure how I stumbled upon Ms. Sizzle Says, but I'm glad that I did. The Lady Sizzle posted a fun "alphabetical whatchamacallit perhaps this is what's known as a meme" list thing a few days ago, and in true blogger fashion I've creeped it. Enough 'splainin, Lucy, let's get to it.

[A is for age:]
My birth certificate claims 26, but my o'wife would say somewhere in the 12 to 14 range. In contrast, my cat would say somewhere in the 80 to 90 range. They never do see eye-to-eye.

[B is for booze of choice:]
I loves me some Jack. And some Parrot Bay. Either with regular Coke is pretty good.

[C is for career:]
I'm a code monkey. I work from my home office. I also refer to it as My Corner Office.

[D is for your dog's name:]
, because I don't have a dog.

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
Air. Water. Speaking of liquids, I'm reminded of the first time I heard someone say "Parrot Bay and Coke." I thought I heard "Caribbean Coke," so that's what I ordered. The bartender had no idea what I meant. Neither did I.

[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:]
"The Pass" by Rush. "Badger Badger Badger" by some weird internet guys.

[G is for favorite games:]
I like ESPN NHL 2K6 for the Xbox. Geometry Wars on XB360 Live intrigues me because I play it everytime I go to my friend's place and it's like crack. Crack that conforms to the rules of Euclidean geometry.

[H is for hometown:]
MIA! The place I've been for the last three weeks, Miami, Eff El.

[I is for instruments you play:]
, because much like my dog, I don't play any instruments.

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
The kind that comes with peanut butter and a baseball bat.

[K is for kids:]
When flying on an airplane, why can't they just be checked into cargo like large pets?

[L is for last kiss:]
You can't greet a female in Miami without having to give them the Latino/Caribbean "kiss on the cheek without making contact and, if timed incorrectly, temporarily deafening the recipient." Speaking of which, I think "Caribbean Coke" should be the name of the drink. It's Coke with coconut rum, which makes sense to have the "Caribbean Coke" name. Coconut rum and Coke is a "Caribbean Coke." Spread the word.

[M is for most admired trait:]
My razor sharp wit, my winning smile, and my infinite humility. And my celebrity-wooing skills.

[N is for name of your crush:]
I've been known to be a fan of Alicia Silverstone, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Kelly Clarkson. And the o'wife has said if I ever have a shot with any of them, I'm free and clear to take it. Apparently, she doubts my celebrity-wooing skills. Well, said skills are excellent. In fact, I'm adding them to the previous item right now.

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
None, but I don't like this item. I'll answer the following: "O is for favorite land with an emerald city." My reply is: OZ!

[P is for phobias:]
Good thing this isn't phonetic, or it'd be "F is for phobias, phonetically." Wow, that's two words F has usurped from P. Which brings me to my biggest phobia: usurpation. It's a real word.

[Q is for quotes you like:]
Any of the ones that appear in the title bar up yonder. They're randomly picked from an ever-expanding file.

[R is for biggest regret:]
Not starting my "Caribbean Coke Campaign" sooner.

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
My Paddy O'Wife is all the sweets I need. Aww... But I've been enjoying my guava pastries these last few weeks.

[T is for time you wake up:]
About five minutes before I start working.

[U is for underwear:]
Superwear (boxer-briefs), also known as my work pants.

[V is for vegetables you love:]
I like sweet potatoes and corn, just not mixed together. What kind of a monster would create such a dish? Oh, for clarity's sake, when I said "Coke" earlier, I meant Coca-Cola (or any other cola soda). The other kind already has a name, "South American Coke."

[W is for worst habit:]
Let's play a quick game. I'll provide two answers, and you guess which is actually my worst habit and which is a habit Paddy O'Wife wishes I actually had. Ready?

Choice A: Cracking my knuckles.
Choice B: NOT deliberately flushing the toilet everytime PO'W is showering.

You decide, world!

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
I've had plenty, especially when at the dentist. I've had so many x-rays that I'm very comfortable getting them. In fact, I don't even bother wearing the protective lead vest they provide anymore. "Charge me up, doc!" I tell them.

PO'W: That explains so much.

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
Omelettes, which starts with an O. Put those two letters together and you get "YO." Multiply that by the number of letters in that word and you get "YOYO." I like yo-yos, they're fun to play with, though not quite yummy.

[Z is for zodiac sign:]
Pisces, the fish. Do I mean one fish or multiple fish? It doesn't matter, because the plural of fish is fish. Funny word that "fish." Not quite plural, but strangely anti-singular.

I think I can count on this guy's support.

Today is "Still Alive" Day! The Steelers get another week!