The Cookware Hero, Part 2

Part 1, Part 3, Part 4

It was the biggest chicken he'd ever seen, big enough for men to ride on during jousts instead of horses. And surely a chicken that big must lay some immense eggs.

"Mister," Ricky said to the farmer, "that's the biggest chicken I've ever seen! It's big enough for men to ride on during jousts instead of horses. And surely a chicken that big must lay some immense eggs! I'd like to buy 50,000!"

"Son," said the farmer, "that's no giant chicken. That's a whole different animal."

"Then what is it?" asked Ricky, kneeling down and picking up an egg he had spotted behind the different animal's leg.

"It's an ostrich," the farmer said, and just then the ostrich bit Ricky's left hand off.

Matty Melt, KA, never did get their ostrich eggs. But they eventually did make their giant omelette out of regular eggs -- chicken ghosts be damned. Ricky, who had given up so much for this record, insisted that instead of getting a prosthetic hand or a movable hook-claw, he wanted a spatula. And not just any spatula, but a spatula with a hinge where Ricky's wrist was. That was where the careful, expensive planning came into play.

But we should not forget the debate. Oh, but was there lots of debate. Doctors, pastors, teachers, farmers, air traffic controllers, and even that slow kid that was kicked by a mule all told Ricky he was crazy. Ricky insisted, proclaiming that if he had a spatula for a hand, his life would finally mean something because he could again be an integral part of something special, the world's largest spinach and feta omelette.

"Omelettes," Ricky explained, "are cooked with spatulas, and a special omelette deservs a special spatula. Let my hand be that spatula. I've lost a part of me for this omelette, now I want to be part of it." Though it didn't really make sense, Ricky's sentiment moved everyone to tears. Or rather, almost everyone; the slow kid that was kicked by a mule simply soiled himself. Again.

So Ricky got his spatula-hand, and the town of Matty Melt, KA, got it's giant omelette and its world record. It kept that record for three years before the recordkeepers realized that Ricky's condition was a violation of an obscure rule. Matty Melt's omelette was disqualified and the record purged. But Ricky wasn't done yet. Ricky, spatula-hand in hand, set out to do something else special. And he did.

I know I said today was the conclusion, but there's more to Ricky's spatula-saga demanding to be told. Check it out tomorrow.

Today is "" Day! It's invisible.