That IS Decaf!

Some quos don't need to be questioned, especially those of the "status" variety. That's how they got that designation in the first place: no one really questioned the quos in question, so they became the de facto standard. And while teen angst demands that the status quo be shaken up (which is just a ploy to get that hot classmate of yours in the back of the old man's Ford), I'm pretty happy with letting some of them just be... except one: coffee pot colors.

Look at the standards: caffeinated coffee goes in the brown pot, decaffeinated goes in the orange pot.

DON'T YOU SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS!?

Think of where else you see the color orange. Safety vests for construction workers so that drivers can be alerted and be careful. Warning signs so people can be alerted and be careful. Basketballs so backboards can be alerted and be careful, although they can't really do anything since they're inanimate. The point is that orange is the color of warning, attention, alert, auchtung, wake up and look at me!

Brown, by comparison, is such a drab, mellow color. Your grandparent's knit sweaters are brown, and that's not exactly something exciting. How about dirt? Not exciting. Wood-panel station wagons? The complete opposite of exciting. Brown is blah, drab, and so boring that I can't even think of something else to end this sentence with.

So why would the caffeinated, get-you-wired type of coffee utilize the brown color while the "no gas" decaf gets the orange? Caffeine wakes you up, it makes you alert and gets you going... just like the color orange! Decaf, by comparison, does absolutely nothing, like your brown-sweater-wearing grandparents.

The current color-coding makes no sense whatsoever, and it should be flipped immediately. This is a tough campaign to undertake, and it may take generations, but it must happen! I can't promise to try to spread the word (in part because the two times I've tried it I've had scalding brown-pot coffee poured in my lap), but I can make this pledge: If I ever open a restaurant, I will make sure that caffeinated coffee goes in the orange pot and that dirty water (decaf) goes in the brown pot.

And whenever a smartass customer tries to correct one of my waiters, I'll instruct the waiter to pour the scalding coffee in the person's lap. Vengeance, much like a coffee with a dozen sugars, is cavity-inducingly sweet.

See, you need to pay attention to a sign like this!

Today is "Teamwork Soup" Day! Heat, and eat, as a team.