Syndication
Paper, Plastic, or Anti-Gravity Platform?
July 18th, 2006 by OZ Grocery shopping is finally fun, thanks to my local store's new "Personal Shopper" program.
The "Personal Shopper" title is a bit misleading since you do not get your own well-dressed yuppy to buy things for you. What you get instead is a barcode scanner and some grocery bags so that as you walk through the store, you scan and bag your groceries right in the aisles. I almost feel like I should change my name to Jorge Jetson (that's right, with the Latino spelling). When you're done loading up your cart, you go to one of a few special self-checkout registers, scan an "end of order" barcode, pay, and be on your way. Don't forget to wave to the frazzled folks unloading seven boxes of Doritos fun packs onto the conveyer belt while trying to manage an agile tornado in the form of a small child. "Bobby Jean, git over here!" -- Oh, who am I kidding? This grocery is like a country club with fewer golf holes but more exotic cheeses. -- "Bradly, behave yourself or you shall not be allowed to enjoy Frasier in high definition this evening."
The one negative I see from this barcode scanner program is that it gives me some momentary flashbacks of registering for my wedding. Which color towel do you like, this one or this one? They're both green. Yeah, but this one is lighter and wouldn't contrast as much with the shower curtain. Sounds good to me, let me scan it. But the darker one would make the room feel warmer. Ahhh!!
Okay, I'm better now.
Those flashbacks, however, did make me realize that my wedding registry and my futuristic grocery shopping are related. After all, we have so many place-settings of fine China and Chinese-style plates to serve... well... all of China! Now, thanks to the "Personal Shopper", it's easy to buy enough food to serve one billion people on our two billion plates. Ooh, we need these salad plates! But I thought that's what the salad bowls were for. No, that's for salads in small bits that would be difficult to eat on a plate. These plates are for big-leafed salads. Where's the barcode for a bottle of cyanide tablets?
The flashbacks have become more frequent, but it's a small price to pay to experience the future of errand-running. What's next on the technological horizon? Perhaps a way to clean your clothes without even getting them wet. Impossible!
Crazy's on sale, and guess who's buying?
Today is "Z-Axis Appreciation" Day! Without it, our lives would have no depth.
this is life, nonsense, television | 
PAAAA-LEEEAAASE! You had a ball registering and you know it. (Remember the torch and deli slicer that you had to have?) I wanted all of our dishes so that we could host dinner parties for your business associates. I didn\\\\\\\'t realize at the time that most of your co-workers die if they are removed from water. The other eats out of a bowl on the floor. But he has some cute bowls, huh?
Jul 18, 2006 at 8:28amWe have so many plates you could host dinner parties for my business associates and all of their cousins in all of the oceans of the world... with dessert!!
Jul 18, 2006 at 3:17pmspousal quibbling over a blog's comments? you guys are so cute 2.0
Jul 18, 2006 at 7:50pmNow with AJAX-based "Stop Buying Shoes" reminders and an RSS feed of errands I keep forgetting to run.
Jul 19, 2006 at 3:04pmImagine two gay men arguing over those green towels. This is why we're not allowed to register.
Jul 19, 2006 at 9:00pmThat's too aquamarine; besides, the teal would go better with these candles.
Jul 19, 2006 at 9:07pmI think those ugly candles should be discarded in favor of ones that would go better with the aquamarine towels. That seems like the most sensible course of action because then you get new towels AND new candles.
I'm here to help, that's what I do.
Jul 20, 2006 at 6:25amHmmm potential "Wedding Registry Assitant" career in your future, Omar?
I'm sure you could part time at Macy's just to get a taste.
Jul 20, 2006 at 6:55amBeing in a parade would be fun.
Have you seen this? Do a search for Wang, Jim.
Kang, Burger!
Jul 20, 2006 at 10:30pm