A Reply To "Everybody Loves Raymond's" Debra Barone's Moronic Fans

Every so often I am reminded of how truly and purely stupid some people are. Usually, this reminder comes in the form of someone posting a comment to an old Debra Barone post or emailing me regarding an old Debra Barone post. And with each of these, I lose a little more faith in humanity's ability to resist an invasion by ... well, anything with an IQ consisting of two digits, including month-old salmon accidentally left out in the sun.

Are people really so dense that they cannot separate an actress from her character? Or recognize a joke? Or realize that approximately 99% of the posts on this site border on utter lunacy and therefore should not be taken seriously? This post, by the way, brings that percentage down to 98.9%... thanks for ruining my record!

These are the same asinine people who watch Saturday Night Live and wonder how NBC has been able to get all the past US presidents to introduce the show. They're the same people who are trying to get their children admitted to Hogwart's School of Magic. They're the same people who breathe a sigh of relief every morning because the US removed all of those WMDs from Iraq. Think happy thoughts, kids, and you can fly like Peter Pan all the way to Candyland!

Here's the latest gem from -- are you ready for it? -- the one and only Patricia Heaton. Actually, I shouldn't say the one and only, since it isn't actually from Ms. Heaton. For the record, I think she's a good actress and probably a very nice person. I also think she's not a complete idiot, unlike the author of the email below.

patricia heaton wrote:
after reading some of these letters you and other people have put on here, it got me thinking. well, your making fun of people and saying they don't have jobs, right? so what do you do, besides make fun of people? or do you stay at home with your kids all day too? do you really have that much of nothing to do? let me tell ya something if you do than your just a stupid pathetic person who has nothing better to do every day! why don't you get a real job, or spend your time giving to charity or something? atleast then your time would be spent wisely and you would be useful!! anyway, please don't write any more things about me, my character, or my husband and kids! ok?

First, the "from" address on this is an obviously-fake Hotmail address (that I won't bother posting), which is why I can't reply directly. It was sent using my now-disabled contact form where you got to put your own return email address. Call me skeptical, but I doubt Ms. Heaton uses Hotmail. She probably has an address via her agent or perhaps her production company. Hollywood actresses like her can spare the $20 a year to avoid Hotmail.

Whoa! "letters other people have put on here"!? Paddy O'Wife has an occasional post on this site, but that Debra Barone stuff is all mine. Great attention to detail, Hawkeye.

Wait a minute, something just occurred to me... Did you send me this email, Debra? I bet it was you, wasn't it? You are indeed a sneaky television character, but not sneaky enough.

Also, when did you move to North Dakota, Debra? I noticed that that's where your IP address is located. I thought you were a Los Angeles girl, but maybe North Dakota's climate agrees more with the temperature of your frigid soul.

It wounds me to be accused of having "nothing better to do every day". Every day? Once again, great attention to detail, Eagle Eye. I've been woefully neglectful of posting here in the past few months. Thanks, Debra, for getting me back on track! The gears are turning for your next appearance on here.

Oh, I like the follow-up sentence, too. "why don't you get a real job, or spend your time giving to charity or something?" I have a real job, hence the lack of posting. And I am also very much into various charities. For example, I am currently trying to draw mainstream attention to the Shift-Key Neglect Association. Please, oh please, use that Shift key on your keyboard to capitalize proper names and the first letter of sentences. It's the same key you used for those witty question marks and those boisterous exclamation points. Thank you for your support, Debra Barone.

As to your request not to "write any more things about me, my character, or my husband and kids", I bid you to once again actually use that rotting cantaloupe that passes for your brain and realize that I have never mentioned (nor, actually, even known about) Ms. Heaton's husband or her kids. I did have a fictional correspondence with CBS's character, Debra Barone, and I did refer to that CBS's character's husband and kids. But did anyone catch that subtle distinction? You know, the one in bold.

BTW, how many lightbulbs you wasted by breaking them open to see if Tinkerbell was inside?

Okay, that about does it for my reply to this particular loon, and it also serves as my blanket reply to all future nitwits who are offended by my Debra Barone material. No further attention will be given to these "people", not privately and certainly not publicly in a post like this ever again. Any future emails regarding Debra Barone will deleted unread. However, future posts about Debra Barone are forthcoming, so be sure to strap those tinfoil hats on tight.

Once again....

 
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